Moon

I feel like writing a poem to you

You’re like the moon to my wandering soul

I wish I was armstrong

Riding a boat

Then I’d row through the space 

To reach you 

And even when I could never step on you properly

Because zero gravity 

I’d still float around to make you happy

But bipolarity will make you feel like I’m a pest

Like now 

Like forever

And I’ll see rocket launchers landing and

Lovers stepping and living on you

I’d still be happy for you

And hope to find a wanderer in the space 

Happy to keep me company till there’s grace

And then and then and then and then and then

What? 

I’d hopefully die.

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What comes after

Take the fall

You wouldn’t 

Warn the lover 

Of the dark times

Coming. 

You wouldn’t know

Because it was easy

To have the courage

To save. 

But now. 

Now the bravery

Fades

The lionheart 

Skips a best 

And I wonder

What did I do

The suffering 

The pain

The actual tears

In my skin

Which felt nothing

Are starting to ache

And hurt.

And the lovers eyes

Are no longer enigmatic

Ripples of blame

And a game of words

Placating wonders

And sparring thunder

What comes after

Requires the strength

It’s what comes after

After after after everything 

Oh Swallow the fear 

The pit in the stomach 

Deepens

The scars on my skin

Burn red

The lovers grace

Falls and falls

But I stand. 

And we stand

And we stick to the 

Show of bravery. 

Even if it’s just a show

 anymore. 

Accounting

Did you think accounting the gains

And losses hitherto

Are the guiding lights of life 

That past mistakes were 

Miscalculations 

And precise math will take you

To success and heights

Oh what has nature taught you

The romance of the wind and the water

Is paramount to your growth

As much as cashing in on the gains

And minimising the losses

Because take a deep breath

And lean in to me

Kiss me and hold me

What trajectory of past mistakes

Not repeated and learnt from

Has made your spine shiver

And mouth quiver

What capitalisation and accumulation

Of success  has you gasping for breath

And asking for more? 

Is the high of the calculation 

Comparable to the real nature of you and me? 

The survivor,  the soul, the spirit the being

The nature of man 

Is love and faith and beauty and dreams 

Consciousness in action 

Nature’s reaction

Turn back and stop the accounting process

Learn the new math

Of hoarding stardust and sprinkling zest 

Go ahead and risk everything you have

The probability of winning unseen

The loss of great heights embraced

Because for all your estimation 

And correlation and regression

There’s an intuition the begging to be heard

Pay heed to the call of the sea

The roar of the breeze 

And the heat of the fire 

These are the things we fight for

The only remembrance in the otherworld

Lay down your weapons of assessment and judgement

Love like a lover not like miser

Breathe like a human not like a robot

And in the end

Hurt and lose like you’re meant to not like you have to

Love

I feel for you.  I Don’t receive that feeling from you. 

And that expectation kills my drive to be a friend to you. Because it feels like unrequited love and it makes me feel,  makes me feel wasted. Unappreciated. Lost.  Used. 
Like I was a plaything for you. Like you loved me till you did and then you just didn’t.  And I didn’t stop loving you. 
Do you know how hard that is. 
That there are tears in my eyes if I even think about what I feel for you.  The depth is staggering.  
It’s a place which drove me mad and now I have to overcome it.  
Somehow deny a huge part of me that loves you. 
How does one do that?

There’s no end to the misery I can make myself go through on your behalf.  
Yet I have to somehow overcome it.  Because I can’t suffer forever. 

No one’s to blame. 

But every time I look within. There’s a part of my heart that demands recognition. Which says,  to love you,  to wallow and surrender to this love for you an burn myself in the process. 
I ignore it. 

That’s how we move on? Right? We forget. 
Forgetting you is leaving a part of myself behind till I regain enough energy and experience to replace it. 
Till then I walk through fire. 

And you.  

I wished you did too. But then that’d make two of us and how can I wish so much pain to someone. 
So you.  You be.

Surgery

Maybe picking up yourself is the hardest

When you have taken an oath 

To twist the knife to your wounds 

And decided to bleed. 

How do you take a step back

Pull the knife  out of you

Free yourself from the sweet pain of disaster 

That you’ve become to accustomed to

Perform the surgery. 

Pull the knife out

Amputate the gangrene

Stitch yourself up

And stand straight

Without the pain. 

Again. 

How would it feel to fly

After crawling for ages

How would it feel to try

Once again what you’ve tried

And failed. 

Maybe while at it

I’ll push the knife deeper and deeper. 

Hurt the ones around me

And sicken the hell out of them

Because who wants a person who wants to die

Whose basic instinct runs upstream 

The fishes that dream

What a beauty will you be

If you perform the fucking surgery

Cracks in the heart

Cracks in the heart

We were broken from the start

Fucked over and over

We were screwed at last

Built a boat to row away

We were poets gone astray

Shoutout to the tiny minds

We were shoved in your narrow kind

Sweating out the lovely gift

We were built to slowly rip

Love me like you weren’t spent

We were fucking like there’s no end

Over and out believe it or not

We were bloody fools to rot

Flourish in your barren state

We were stupid to wait

Cracks in the heart

We were broken from the start