I feel for you. I Don’t receive that feeling from you.
And that expectation kills my drive to be a friend to you. Because it feels like unrequited love and it makes me feel, makes me feel wasted. Unappreciated. Lost. Used.
Like I was a plaything for you. Like you loved me till you did and then you just didn’t. And I didn’t stop loving you.
Do you know how hard that is.
That there are tears in my eyes if I even think about what I feel for you. The depth is staggering.
It’s a place which drove me mad and now I have to overcome it.
Somehow deny a huge part of me that loves you.
How does one do that?
There’s no end to the misery I can make myself go through on your behalf.
Yet I have to somehow overcome it. Because I can’t suffer forever.
No one’s to blame.
But every time I look within. There’s a part of my heart that demands recognition. Which says, to love you, to wallow and surrender to this love for you an burn myself in the process.
I ignore it.
That’s how we move on? Right? We forget.
Forgetting you is leaving a part of myself behind till I regain enough energy and experience to replace it.
Till then I walk through fire.
I wished you did too. But then that’d make two of us and how can I wish so much pain to someone.
So you. You be.