life

Love

I feel for you.  I Don’t receive that feeling from you. 

And that expectation kills my drive to be a friend to you. Because it feels like unrequited love and it makes me feel,  makes me feel wasted. Unappreciated. Lost.  Used. 
Like I was a plaything for you. Like you loved me till you did and then you just didn’t.  And I didn’t stop loving you. 
Do you know how hard that is. 
That there are tears in my eyes if I even think about what I feel for you.  The depth is staggering.  
It’s a place which drove me mad and now I have to overcome it.  
Somehow deny a huge part of me that loves you. 
How does one do that?

There’s no end to the misery I can make myself go through on your behalf.  
Yet I have to somehow overcome it.  Because I can’t suffer forever. 

No one’s to blame. 

But every time I look within. There’s a part of my heart that demands recognition. Which says,  to love you,  to wallow and surrender to this love for you an burn myself in the process. 
I ignore it. 

That’s how we move on? Right? We forget. 
Forgetting you is leaving a part of myself behind till I regain enough energy and experience to replace it. 
Till then I walk through fire. 

And you.  

I wished you did too. But then that’d make two of us and how can I wish so much pain to someone. 
So you.  You be.

Advertisements

Surgery

Maybe picking up yourself is the hardest

When you have taken an oath 

To twist the knife to your wounds 

And decided to bleed. 

How do you take a step back

Pull the knife  out of you

Free yourself from the sweet pain of disaster 

That you’ve become to accustomed to

Perform the surgery. 

Pull the knife out

Amputate the gangrene

Stitch yourself up

And stand straight

Without the pain. 

Again. 

How would it feel to fly

After crawling for ages

How would it feel to try

Once again what you’ve tried

And failed. 

Maybe while at it

I’ll push the knife deeper and deeper. 

Hurt the ones around me

And sicken the hell out of them

Because who wants a person who wants to die

Whose basic instinct runs upstream 

The fishes that dream

What a beauty will you be

If you perform the fucking surgery

The sea

Is judging us.

Its calm beauty

Unwavered.

Its flow

Uninterrupted 

Our pasts

Unimportant 

Our sadness 

Unnoticed

The sea 

Is judging 

Our petty issues

Our lovers quarrels 

And our broken hearts

The sea has been broken

Polluted

It carries the dead 

In its arms

It has been redirected

Lead to barrenness 

It carries the reminders

Of every breath that

Dipped in unthankfully

Unknowing

That the sea 

Is judging us. 

It has grief beyond

A hundred lifetimes 

Of our pain and anguish

The sea judges us

Because it says

Flow

Free

Undying in your faith

The love

Fucking love

Soul food

Bitch heart

Great start 

Time collided 

Stars burst 

Window broke

Time slowed

Tears rolled

Sinners spoke

Lovers tiff

Hearts broke

Twenty times 

Shut up

Cried away

Build homes

Sadness stayed

Fucking love

Soul crushed

Tempers rose

Standing dying

Biting lips

Keep change

Crushed teeth

Hells risk

Hoped beyond

Nothing came

Someone said

Hurry up

Don’t start

Finish up

Empty handed 

Who knew

Love beheaded

Fucking love

Spoke again 

Fucking love 

Walked again 

A song for love

For all you lovers who have to go through distance


A hundred days since I saw you

A hundred nights since I kissed you

You break my heart and you make my heart

You’re the deranged being who stole my heart
Heart heart heart
Where is my heart?
A hundred days since I saw you

A hundred nights since I kissed you
My ribcage is empty and my eyes are weeping 

My life is simply a disaster in waiting.
Wait wait wait 
Where is all this time? 
A hundred days since I saw you

A hundred nights since I kissed you
I lost my virginity to your eyes

And when you went you took my sight

And that’s how we screwed our both lives
Life life life

Where is our life? 
A hundred days since I saw you

A hundred nights since I kissed you
Wake me up and take me away

Let’s just forget everything for a day

Behave like bunnies and smoke away
Wake wake wake

Where is this day? 
A hundred days since I saw you

A hundred nights since I kissed you

Victory 

Plead guilty. 

Find the truth 

You are there

For you

Breathe gently. 

Spare the venom 

You are yours

And yours alone

Redeem your honour

Crush the bones

Your word is true

Solely to you

Complete the game

Play it fair 

Win it square

Victory is ours 

Victory is ours

Victory is ours

And remember

It’s ours alone