loss

Move

Move your battle away from the time

When you felt like your trust was taken piece by piece and shot down until it was beyond repair. 

Move your battle away from the feeling 

When your heart skipped a beat,  not in love but surrounded by fear and insecurity. 

Move your battle away from the life

Where you lived in a paranoia, an illusion that they were out to get you and you had to escape. 

Move your battle away from the hell

That you gave yourself for falling weak in your knees and giving yourself away for too little. 

Move your battle away from the death

Of happiness inside your body where every cell within you cried and hoped it would cease to exist. 

Move your battle away from the battles that need to be left alone.  The battles you don’t have to fight.  The battles you’re not meant to deal with.  

Your battle is life.  It is living.  Now.  Not then when things were happier or worse.  Now.  

Right fucking  now. 

Live. 

Fight the battle to live.  To feel.  To believe.  To recover.  

To love. 

Yourself first.  

The seventy fifth time

For 

The seventy fifth time I repeat. 

It’s okay. 

It’s a ritual of each breath 

Breathe in

Breathe out

Caught myself from falling down

And Collapsing in a heap

Bitter judgement 

Better thoughts

Are yet to come. 

For

The seventy fifth time I repeat

It’s okay

Believing in my voice

Is harder than before 

It falters every bit

Settles the score

Of haunted dreams

Manifested in sound

It quivers with sadness

Built on hope

For 

The seventy fifth time I repeat

It’s okay

Closing my eyes

Blocking the beauty 

Blinding me from within

Hate rising up to my eyes

Brimming with tears

Ready to gush out

Soaked with shame

Of plenty week moments

For 

The seventy fifth time I repeat

I repeat it’s okay

I repeat it’s fine

I repeat it’ll get better

I repeat the sun will be kind

The moon will care

And the body will dare

Another chance at  love

Hoping for escape 

From despair. 

I Little titles of existence 

Done

I have exhausted my capacity of loving.  I have loved you with a million little pieces of my soul.  Giving you a million little pieces of myself.  I am done. 

Finding

Now.  Its about the million little pieces of me that you threw away on the way to moving on.  Where do I search for them?   Where do I find myself? Pick me up and bind myself. 

Extract

And if I do find a piece or two lying around the old haunts,  how do I extract myself from them? I don’t have the energy. I don’t have the will.  I wander aimlessly in search for myself, not wanting to be myself. 

Grow

Why don’t I grow a million little pieces again?  Form myself whole, again. 

How?  How do you ask a flower to Bloom after it has wilted?  It dies. And seeds. There are seeds.  I have seeds.  Where do I plant them? My body feels barren. 

Fertility

Where did all the potential for my future go?  Down the drain with a million little pieces. Barren mind full of sadness, only more sadness it begets. 

I am not fertile.  I am sad.  Sadness grows on me birthing a million little pieces of sadness. 

Calming

It takes a million little breaths and slight pauses to calm myself down. To breathe fully and hope to regain enough energy to build upon the barren land a fertile Base where I can flourish once again. 

Hope

I had.  Million little pieces full of me and my hope. Lost. 

Love

I do.  Million little pieces of hard work on Unconditional and undying. Lost.

A song for love

For all you lovers who have to go through distance


A hundred days since I saw you

A hundred nights since I kissed you

You break my heart and you make my heart

You’re the deranged being who stole my heart
Heart heart heart
Where is my heart?
A hundred days since I saw you

A hundred nights since I kissed you
My ribcage is empty and my eyes are weeping 

My life is simply a disaster in waiting.
Wait wait wait 
Where is all this time? 
A hundred days since I saw you

A hundred nights since I kissed you
I lost my virginity to your eyes

And when you went you took my sight

And that’s how we screwed our both lives
Life life life

Where is our life? 
A hundred days since I saw you

A hundred nights since I kissed you
Wake me up and take me away

Let’s just forget everything for a day

Behave like bunnies and smoke away
Wake wake wake

Where is this day? 
A hundred days since I saw you

A hundred nights since I kissed you

Victory 

Plead guilty. 

Find the truth 

You are there

For you

Breathe gently. 

Spare the venom 

You are yours

And yours alone

Redeem your honour

Crush the bones

Your word is true

Solely to you

Complete the game

Play it fair 

Win it square

Victory is ours 

Victory is ours

Victory is ours

And remember

It’s ours alone